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Welcome to my blog randomnessandweirdnessisanna.blogspot.com where I try to annoy you as much as possible by not updating even after countless tags.
Oh. Repetition makes me happy.
And yes, there IS a pause button to stop the music from continuously playing in your ear, interrupting the sound of my very annoying voice playing in your heads.
MUHAHAHA.
{Anna} says:
I feel like yelling into a pillow.
And I'm kind of mad at myself.
"Why?"
{Anna} says:
Because of what I'm saying to someone.
It's like I can't control myself.
I'm telling myself, "What is wrong with me?"
Why can't I let go?
Really?
WHY CAN'T I?
Why do I have to feel like I need a grip on everything in my life? Homework, control over situations, my thoughts...
Well, pretty much EVERYTHING.
LET GO.
JUST LET GO FOR GOODNESS SAKE.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU, PAIR OF LIGHTS?
(Yes, "pair of lights" or "two lights" is what my "dear" ex-sister calls me now. Awesome.)
Ideas in my head right now:
1) Using a hammer and smashing the ground till it breaks. (NOOOOOO. My poor floor! D: How would we fix it? And why would I want a hole in the ground?)
2) Screaming and screaming till it hurts. (Waitttt. I can't do that to my throat! I tortured it with bad singing already, today - which was louder than usual because no one was home.)
3) Tearing pieces of paper. (Okay. That is not helping the environment.)
4) Ripping up my textbooks. (NOOOO. I can't see my Chinese textbooks being torn up! I ACTUALLY copied down notes! And the poor textbooks to be tortured by such a mean owner who is seen as violent. No way. Books ARE like babies. To Young Eun. They're treasures to me.)
5) Throwing money from the window. (That is just the worst idea I've ever had, seeing as I don't even have money anyway.)
6) Smashing the light bulb of my lamp. (NO. I love my lamp! And plus, what would I do with the shattered glass? I don't see why I would want to end up lamp-less, bleeding and having to clean up the mess I meade.)
9) Not cut myself. (Seriously. Why do that to my poor wrists? I mean, you can SEE THE VEINS. Am I really going to use a pen knife and slice up my veins? And have MORE scars? Why do that to yourself? Really.)
10) Cry. (I'm going to have to reject that idea since tears sting my eyes and I feel crying makes me seem weak. Plus I cried quite a lot this week [or felt like it] which is basically enough.)
11) Cycle at a really fast speed till I'm out of breath. (Wait. It's 12.23 AM. You're alone. With no one to cycle with you. It's dark. Are you out of your mind?)
12) Hit someone on the head. (My mum scolded me for that. I made my brother cry. She thinks I'm on some kind of violent streak. Which I kind of agree with. I have to stop harming the "innocents". No matter how truly annoying they are and how much they make my blood boil or make me feel like smashing their heads into the wall.)
13) Pray. (Okay. I'll do this.)
...
And there you go.
I can't even grieve or get mad like a normal person.
But I feel a lot calmer now.
Man, I'm a killjoy.
Totally, utterly and completely.
That doesn't sound right.
But I don't care.
This whole post might be gramatically incorrect.
But I think I'm going crazy anyway. So.
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Fine. I editted some of it.
SOME.
Not a lot.
Just that little itty bit.
I really WAS typing those parts in the brackets when I was... Well, typing.
The whole venting thing.
My gosh.
I am definitely losing my mind.
I will NOT edit this.
No. I will STOP.
STOP.
STOP.
STOPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP.