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Welcome to my blog randomnessandweirdnessisanna.blogspot.com where I try to annoy you as much as possible by not updating even after countless tags.
Oh. Repetition makes me happy.
And yes, there IS a pause button to stop the music from continuously playing in your ear, interrupting the sound of my very annoying voice playing in your heads.
MUHAHAHA.
I stalked and realised that most people's blogs are dead by now.
Including mine.
Due to the fact that my internet explorer hasn't been working lately, though, it got to be a hassle, clicking on links, looking at old posts.
But there were some I read again.
And I didn't really think, couldn't comprehend the fact that I had written them. Just seemed like a different person.
A little flashback here and there, yes, like the context of the post, the stupidity...
Thing is, I wrote most of them in S2. When I was still 13, and proud of it. In a couple of months I'll be turning 15.
Not much of a change in maturity, probably going backwards, in fact, but fifteen.
That's when some kids have jobs.
That's just about three years away from leaving school. Schools with uniforms, that is, and teachers that actually care.
Plus my parents.
Because I'll be an adult.
Ready to be responsible for my own life, and possibly, in the future, the life of another.
I think I'll be leaving this blog though. This is sort of a goodbye post.
Because I doubt I'll update and be honest or whatever it is you're supposed to do with a blogger account.
Also, tagboards are starting to annoy me, plus the comment system seems like a drag.
Blogger has been great though. I remember my first time using it. Just a few years ago, and yet here I am, supposedly a completely different person.
HAH this seems all so juvenile.
Goodbye.
I lack coherence.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
4:39 PMRise from the UndeadI revive this blog.
So that I can leave it to rot again.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
8:32 PMFrom my iPod.Sometimes I get so mad that I freak people out.
Let's talk fetishes.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
1:00 PMThis proves something.Dear Young Eun,
I have taken your book, 'My Sister's Keeper' from your table.
But you still haven't noticed.
This proves you won't miss it much, huh. (:
I WANT TO READ IT.
LEND IT TO ME. EESH!
Monday, May 11, 2009
10:17 PMOh.I almost forgot. Hi Sanksruti! (:
10:02 PMChange.I was one told I changed.
I disregarded it by making a funny face.
But I could feel it, oh, I could.
----
Your e-mail made me feel better for some reason.
I think sometimes I wait for a long time, and then I give up.
But thank you.
----
I am aware of the empty spaces.
That is why I do not.
----
My goodness, Sarah. You seem to be a fan of the All-American Rejects!
----
Sometimes I wish I could just ignore what I see.
But then again I remember the things I don't need to remember, and Math or Science just goes through like a train riding through a tunnel.
It was weird what hit me when I saw that kind of happiness. For once I felt a sense of hurt and I didn't deserve to.
----
I saw you today. Twice. I didn't want to speak, but you came over anyway, and for once, I was happy.
----
You came over first before uh. Above, and that made me smile inside.
----
You scare me especially with your smiles. But I think I'm a little like you.
Once I pictured you as a villan with the evil laugh and all.
How creepy is that?
I think sometimes glasses make you look better.
----
Dear Miss Tay,
I thought of you today.
I tried racking my brains,
To find something I could replay.
I remembered you. (:
But I also remembered the look on your face when you took the photos.
----
Hi Aileen.
Meiji Strawberry Yoghurt.
Grapes. The good kind. That make you taste wine at the end.
You know you like me reminding you of all the good foods in life. >:]
----
I keep saying "Oh wait." because your conversation box is the only one open and I don't want my parents to know I'm blogging, so I minimize and pretend to type in your conversation box.
----
EX-MARMI! I AM CREEPY?
Hmph. How dare you.
----
Kim Young Eun, Jelly is not sick.
A lion cupping the head of a woman while kissing her is.
----
Only after reading my Stalkee's tag did I want to drink ice milo.
----
By the way, Kimmy Dearest. You are cute too. Especially when you were jumping up to try and get your "Sick book" as you call it, back.
"WHY IS HE SO TALL?!"
----
Ritika. I am not mad at you. I do not hate you. Stop forcing dear Sarah into things.
----
Sarah, let's come up with a gown for the GBE.
----
Stop scaring me with your hitting and that same line!
9:45 PMComing from the M.K.Dear M&M,
One day I sent you to the back. One day I lost all control.
Now you feel fear. Now I am not the blanket of safety I wanted to be. Now you are wary. Now you do not dare. Now you make your own decisions. Now you have grown.
Did I play a part?
I dare say not.
For I was there but not there as much as there should have been. For we hide behind that sheet of disguise where everything feels better, like a separate paradise.
Thirst.
I cannot make you less thirsty. Sometimes I do not even try when I know I should.
Why?
The veil I wear is thicker than yours. Your veil allows others to see when you are happy, when you are sad.
My veil wears the same expression of nothingness which no one is allowed to touch or lift, for when it has been lifted, it gets pulled down again.
Do what you love. I hope I've helped you there.
The rough patch you're going through. Be not afraid, pray to God, he will answer all your prayers.
Will you deem me a hypocrite?
I know I must carry no burden, and I try, but try as I might I am never set free to be open.
I like the hiding and the closeness. You know that well.
I like that sometimes I can just guess about you. You make me smile.
Please do not let your own cease to exist.
Please hold on, for I know you can.
I told her, I told her it was a pity.
I told her I was sad that you were not yet saved.
But what am I doing here?
I've said I loved you over and over, till now it means but nothing, though you seem fine with once a day.
I can't show anyone anymore.
I'm not capable.
I'll miss you.
9:34 PMLike a drop.Dear You,
Once again I felt like I hurt you. Once again, like I did not want it to be. I don't know how many times I've written and never let you known. I wonder how many more sorrys I can say in my head till they mean nothing.
You were smiling, but I did not smile in return. I thought it was because I felt feverish. But then later I realised it was not.
There's this painful feeling in my throat right now. And the tears are starting to come.
Isn't that almost how they describe it in books?
We don't talk anymore. A stranger to you I've become.
Everytime he tries to be gentle I feel instead, like pebbles are being thrown, in wait of the stones that are to come.
I feel like at any second I might break, at any second I will start crying.
But why take it out on you too?
I have no idea.
But a stranger. A stranger I've become to you both.
Remember how you said it was a silent rebellion? Remember how angry you were?
I didn't hear, I really didn't.
When I heard, I shouted out. I shouted out in all desperation, but you never heard me. I rushed, I tried to answer. But no one heard me.
That's still how I feel now.
You're no longer angry, but I'm still in the same place.
How many nights have I cried into a pillow just so you won't hear?
How many nights have I wondered how thin the walls are, so worried you will?
I can't ask for help. It will hurt you more.
I cannot shed any more tears in front of you.
You say we must cherish the last few years. You try your best and I give back nothing.
I can't wear my heart on my sleeve, I keep it hidden under lock and key.
Pray for me.
You try your best and I give back nothing.
I am saddened for the loss you've recieved in this investment.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
9:00 PMThe Melancholic State of the Sun.Don't want to wake tomorrow,
Drowning in the sea named 'sorrow'.
Lament like a chant,
Tell you I can't,
The footsteps set me off,
Loud sounds like a cough,
A bang of the door,
Slam it to the floor.
Put those words in red,
Let me stay in bed,
To wake up let all be alright,
Let me know the time of night.
Tears which no one hear,
The Lord to draw me near.
A want, a need for human warmth,
Not like any other draft.
The real deal.
The sounds that do not make me squirm, to scream, to want to hurl.
Now I won't say that no one cares,
That no one is ever there.
He is there and yes He cares.
But sanity, it is hidden, where?
Look yourself in the mirror.
Know you're not there.
Pull you hair, scream,
These two events make a team.
Deeper and deeper we fall,
Till we're leaning against the wall,
Blood trickles, you regret,
I've not reached that point yet.
Leave me alone.
Stop making me phone.
The ring is too much.
The footsteps make my fists crunch.
There is not nothing left.
Taking life would be a theft.
But how do I carry on?
Lord, please give me a song.
Another question hurled at me,
Why won't you just let me be?
No view of crimson over black and grey,
Just the wet pillow of someone who doesn't know their way.
Leave me alone, leave me alone, leave me alone.
I want to scream, scream, scream, scream.
Stop walking, the noise, the noise, the noise.
Just leave me be.
Saturday, May 9, 2009
1:34 PMAileen sweetie, it's okay to be hot.Dear Aileen,
I read your blog entry on how it's getting hotter in Shanghai.
And I have a solution to that problem.
No, I am not going to suggest ways to stop global warming, though we should all really help out...
Anyway.
My idea.
THE WATERMELON.
A slice of that green ball of sweetness on a hot day is the only way to go. Sure, it's heavy to carry from a visit to the super market, but when you get home and start using your knife on it, it's so worth it.
Usually when my parents get a watermelon, they'd slice it in half, keeping at least one half of it in the refrigerator.
I might not be able to cut so well, but believe me, seeing that pinkish-red, all I want to do is get a piece immediately, which is why I don't mind cutting though staring at sharp objects for a long time makes me feel like blinking.
When a slice of watermelon's been refrigerated, it's at its most refreshing.
Picture yourself, holding this large (depending on the size you cut it) slice of water melon, with an excellent contrast of colour.
As you nibble a little on the thin, pink part at the top, a kind of fringe, you get a taste of sweetness, though not very satisfying.
But when you take a bigger bite, sinking your teeth into that redness and feel it take the shape of the curve of your teeth, you’ll find yourself enjoying that pure sweetness, the coolness of the juices gushing into your mouth; trickling down your lip and sometimes, down the length of your arm.
Oh, isn't that just a great sensation?
You’ll find your taste buds yearning for more till your teeth are scraping the surface of the white part separating that red from green. You want to make sure you’ve missed out on nothing. You want to make sure that nothing’s gone to waste. This time, the watermelon’s not as sweet, but there’s still a different level of sweetness mixed with something slightly bitter, but not quite.
And when you’re done, you wash your hands and mouth, but you can still feel that cool, refreshing minty feeling on the skin of the bottom part of your face. All around your mouth, on your cheeks, and you imagine the juices flowing down your chin to the column of your neck…
And there you have it! :D
I love watermelons. <3 (Seed.)
Wahaha.
Friday, May 8, 2009
12:00 AMAll my titles.All my titles are one word.
Goodnight.
I'm tired, I think.
One of my eyes feel like it's going to be shut at any minute now.